Thiss is my life. 我爱傻蛋

Surreal dream.

Andre — Mon, 21 Jan 2008 10:15:42 +0000

I don’t exactly know what to say but every moment of the day i’m thinking of her. She knows i’m upset because of her. Yesterday we went up to Kent Ridge Park. I almost fell off the hill. Its alright if you want to make fun or crack jokes about me. I don’t care how others think of me, but sometimes you don’t realise how important is your POV of me. At times i keep quiet its because i’m upset. I’m not angry or frustrated, just upset.

我知道我要的你不能给。

I dreamt of her last night, how i wish everything was real. Don’t exactly remember what happen in the dream but there’s one part it was the most vivid. She came over and hugged my arm and rested her head on my shoulder. I looked into her eyes and combed her hair gently with my fingers, telling her everything will be alright. She nodded and gave me a peck on my cheeks. Sighs.

Whenever i see her, i just wanna take care of her and give her all the happiness and joy she deserves. Share my everything with her, spend time with her, go traveling with her and so much more.

你不需要过着一个人的生活。

Leong keeps telling me to do something. I know something has to be done, but am i in the position to? I’m not!? So much that i want to say and do but i’m not in the position to. I can only keep quiet, stand aside and see things happen.

我开使觉得我自己傻。

Recently i’ve been pondering over the same subject over and over again. Why is it always the case that:

The person who loves me, i love her not.
The person whom i love, loves me not.

Why?Why?Why?

An understanding is impossible.
An understanding is impossible.
An understanding is impossible.

I find myself in distraught everyday. How do i let her know how i feel about her? Valentine’s Day, i think she’ll reject my date. Nevermind. It’ll be just another Valentine’s Day.

蔡依林
一个人
从皮包里扯出我们的照片
沙发要移到客厅的另一边
晚饭后你可以多尝几口想念
已经没有什么人会埋怨
晴天阴天今天又是星期天
唯一的打算是心更乱一些
反正我不知道怎样打发时间
出门或不出门没差别
一个人
到底应该选右边或左边
两个人
每一次争吵都值得纪念
一个人
偶尔感到寂寞再所难免
你的气味还留在枕头边
一个人
我重新适应一切不方便
两个人
不一定就成全一个世界
一个人
关灯看见记忆的横切面
没有光线
过去那些情节
更明显晴天阴天今天又是星期天
唯一的打算是心更乱一些
反正我不知道怎样打发时间
出门或不出门没差别一个人
到底应该是右边或左边
两个人每一次争吵都值得纪念
Oh~~一个人
偶尔感到寂寞再所难免
你的气味还留在枕头边
一个人
我重新适应一切不方便
两个人不一定就成全一个世界
一个人
关灯看见记忆的横切面
没有光线
过去那些情节
更明显
更明显

不该是好
Andre

Insomnia, my best friend… NOT!

Andre — Fri, 18 Jan 2008 05:44:21 +0000

Damn damn damn it! I couldn’t sleep for the whole night? Its either stay awake or once i fall asleep i’ll dream. Its so freakingly frustrating. i fell asleep thrice and had 3 different dreams?

The first dream was crap. I was suppose to build tunnels for enormous ants to live in and make sure food and water supplies are constantly adequate. WTF? What does my life got to do with ants?

The second dream was nothing better. I was one of the main character in a RPG (Role-Playing Game)? DUH! But at least in the dream i get to travel alot. LOL. There’s one part me and my mates were being chased after by one of this big monster and a big wild boar. LMAO. Strangely somehow we had a “Special Shroud” that surrounds us whenever we stop moving. So we’re like totally blended into surrounding. Cool huh. I wish i had this in real life.

The last dream was about Angela’s, 張韶涵 Concert in Singapore. The funny thing is why is it held in a shopping mall? If i’m not wrong it was held at Vivo City. DUH! >.> Before the concert started, Angela was having her own fashion show going on? LOL? She was kinda disappointed prolly because there wasn’t many fans. Seriously speaking i was the first one to arrive? ROFL. So i had all her attention. o.O I met up with my parents shortly before the concert started. Blablablabla.. I was shocked when i was being invited to backstage when i’m not even part of her fan club. Its pretty irony because only a few were being invited backstage, people like President of her fan club, MediaCorp Executives and Artistes who attended her concert. Gosh, she’s sweet. ;) Took a few photos with her with my N95 and left shortly after.

Guess what? When i woke up the next thing i did was i took my phone and search my entire gallery for the photos i tooked in my dream. LOL! Damn stupid la. Nevermind, at least i get to see her in person, CLOSE!

张韶涵
其实很爱你

离开不会太悲伤
有些心情该释放
直到眼泪它自己落下
才发现骗不了自己
其实很爱你

现在学着去遗忘
躲开有你的地方
回忆被谁放在书架上
把他从最高的地方落下

感动越是深刻
寂寞就越伤人喔
每个人的心里都
会有一段伤痕

像白纸的天真
仿佛被你伤得好深
相爱不需要理由
离开也没有理由挽留

其實很愛你
Andre

300! THIS IS SPARTAAAAAARRRR!

Andre — Wed, 16 Jan 2008 13:58:45 +0000

wheeeeeehoooo.. I’m 699 away from my goal now. LOL. gosh.. These 3days, i’ve been making hearts for hours and hours. Repeating my playlist over and over again. Check out what i did with the 300hearts!

76Red
76Yellow
75Blue
75Green

I just wish to add colours to her life, thats why i didnt just make 999hearts from just red colour.

My back is aching today. Thanks to the work i did yesterday. Gosh!

还要等多久才能见到你？
Andre

200! Spar~

Andre — Tue, 15 Jan 2008 18:52:25 +0000

Finally hit 200 mark today, my finger tips are uber sensitive now. Damn sore and painful now T.T

爱的鼓立！
*Clap* *Clap* *Clap-Clap-Clap* *Clap-Clap-Clap-Clap* *Clap* *Clap* *YEAH!*

Lol. Thats the signature move of 270.

Actually today started working at zen’s dad’s company. Had to work till very late at night therefore gave up the job. I can’t work till so late zen, so sorry. Didn’t mean to disappoint you and your dad. I really need the time to prep for Valentine’s Day. 999 really takes time and effort, i don’t wish to do a last minute job. Meanwhile i shall find a afternoon to night job. Guys, please please let me know if there’s such a job available. I’ll head down for interview immediately.

Ouch!

我该如合让你明白我爱你?
Andre

Quest for 999.

Andre — Mon, 14 Jan 2008 09:42:22 +0000

Finally, i completed my first 100 Hearts!
Phew~ Hours of hard work and determination.

Strawssssss and so many of them!

Folded Hearts so lil of them :”(

100 Hearts! Finally!

Hmm.. So you see 100Hearts ain’t that much.. Thats why i’m going for 999! Wish me luck!

很想念你
Andre
Completed 142 Hearts.
*Ran out of straws >.>

99,999

Andre — Sun, 13 Jan 2008 19:38:27 +0000

Went East Coast Park this morning with HuiXin, Ladyboss, Evon, Sean and Leong. Everyone look so exhausted cause the night before everyone went back home like in the morning. Phew. East Coast Park, a place where i used to go at least once every week. Don’t really have the energy to rollerblade properly today so i just did it anyhow. After the cycling/blading session we went back home to wash up and head to meet up with Xin Rong aka Kelly. Had dinner @sakae at Junction 8 and celerated her 18th birthday at Bishan’s PartyWorld. i was thinking of making her 99 Straw hearts so bought 3packets of 100 mixed coloured straws. Bought the extra 100 straws just in case if there’s a shortage of certain colour. After i had my Teriyaki Chicken Don i started making the hearts.

Soon i realise 99 straw hearts doesn’t seem sincere enough, thats why had the thought of making 999 of them. Will be getting the rest of the straws on another day as soon as i finish my first 150. Haha.

给我机会，给你幸福
Andre

Dissipated..

Andre — Sat, 12 Jan 2008 06:24:31 +0000

Met up with 傻蛋 and Leong yesterday night. When to Hush as it was her last day working there. Cheers for her. 傻蛋’s sadness is so visibly clear. She didn’t speak much last night neither did i. Sigh.

As for Valentine’s Day, i don’t know if i should ask her. Initially she was suppose to celebrate with him. He won’t be able to make it for certain reason.

Last night while driving back to Bukit Batok i think i look kinda emo. I really didn’t speed. Just wanted to get Hui Xin back home fast cause she look really really worn out moreover she drank quite a fair bit. After sending Hui Xin back 傻蛋 was next. I’ll always send her last just to take a few more glances at her before we part. When we reached her void deck she asked if we wanted to smoke and so we did. She was asking leong and me what’s the difference between “喜欢” and “爱”. My answer to her was, “喜欢是短斩, 爱是永横”. She said we had same sentiments. We chatted for another 45minutes then we bid goodbye.

Don’t really know what to say today.

好好照顾Pooh
Andre

Dreaming of you.

Andre — Fri, 11 Jan 2008 06:40:45 +0000

Sighs, reached home at 6am this morning after i sent leong back to camp. 傻蛋 was so sad yesterday, something happened. I guess she knew it was a matter just of time. Last night 傻蛋, Leong and me went to hush. I bought the rest of the balance from Hui Xin. Drank quite a fair bit but i just dont know why i didn’t get drunk. Probably because there’s alot of things on my mind. Seeing her so sad makes me sad as well.

She was a little drunk last night but she keeps denying it. She just sat there alone quiet all night. Its heart-shattering to see her in this state. So much i wanted comfort her yet i can’t. Hui Xin asked me to take care of her as she has to work. I replied saying “我有权力吗？”. The whole night i just felt so helpless. All i could do is seat there and look at her drowning in sorrow. Sighs.

痛.悲.伤.泪.

最长的电影
周杰伦

我们的开始是很长的电影
放映了三年我票都还留在
冰上的芭蕾脑海中还在旋转
望着你哪能忘记你

朦胧的世界我们聊了多远
冰刀画的圈圈起了谁改变
如果再重来会不会笑笑骂骂
爱是不是不开口才珍贵

再给我两分钟让我把记忆结整理
别融化了眼泪你妆都花了要我怎么记得
祈祷你将我忘了吧祈祷你将我忘了吧
你说你会哭不是因为在乎

朦胧的世界我们聊了多远
冰刀画的圈圈起了谁改变
如果再重来会不会笑笑骂骂
爱是不是不开口才珍贵

再给我两分钟让我把记忆结整理
别融化了眼泪你妆都花了要我怎么记得
祈祷你将我忘了吧祈祷你将我忘了吧
你说你会哭不是因为在乎

I really don’t understand. i really don’t. What makes her stay? After listening to last night’s conversation, it makes me ponder even harder. If thats the case why are you still staying on? Neither does he care nor bother. Why do you have to engulf yourself in such pain? Is presence the reason why you hold on for so long? I know i’m in no position to say all these. Sighs.

I dreamt of 傻蛋 this morning. Day in day out i just think of her, even in dreams now. I dreamed that i met up with her and was on the way back to my home. I was suppose to present 彩虹 to her in the dream. When i was about to open up my piano lid, my phone rang. I woke up and threw my phone aside. I received the call at 8.47am. I thought by going back to sleep i’ll be able continue the dream but i was wrong. I realise that recently i’ve been playing the piano for hours everyday. My piano sort of became my listening ear. Whenever i start playing the piano, it feels as if i’m telling her(my piano) how am i feeling right now.

Will be seeing her again today, hope she feels better.

傻蛋, 你有个天使般的笑容 .
笑多一些，好吗？

在乎你的人
Andre

URGH!

Andre — Thu, 10 Jan 2008 08:16:18 +0000

UUUUURRRRRGGGGGHHHH!!! Damn it!!! My hair, its happening again!!!! Now my hair is as short as Keith’s. Gosh. Damn it, how many times have i told her just trim abit. Ahhhh.. Fuck! Thats it, i’ll never let her touch my hair again. Now my hair is short enough to go back camp? Slope is okay, but my fringe and top is so freaken short? I think i need a wig.

Wanted to wake up 1030 this morning, guess what? I fell asleep till 2pm after deactivating the alarm. Today’s plan was completely ruined. Initially i wanted to buy donut factory for her. Look at the time.. I really shouldn’t have cut my hair today. Met Hao Lian Kia’s mother at the saloon. It must be her that caused my hair to become so short >:< URRRRGGGHHH!

Someone please save my hair!

最后一次
Energy

你的眼睛变成了沙漠
冷冷的找不到温柔的线索
我不会连走开都不懂
爱情已经不能活
没有我的你自己要保重

好想再抱你一次
oh 最后一次
你是那么真实
柔软的发丝心跳的拍子
痛苦在我胸口狠狠的刺
再抱你一次
oh 最后一次
你是那么诚实
就连一滴泪都不愿装饰
爱情里最伤人的是理智

浪漫的日子像一场梦
爱你不是想要听你感谢我
放开了手我们又重获
四分五裂的自由
我是个不能让你快乐的小丑
站在风里天空在颤抖
陷入伸手不见五指的寂寞

好想再抱你一次
oh 最后一次
你是那么真实(再抱你一次)
柔软的发丝心跳的拍子
痛苦在我胸口狠狠的刺
再抱你一次
oh 最后一次
你是那么诚实(是那么诚实)
就连一滴泪都不愿装饰
爱情里最伤人的是理智

难道真的不能握握你的手
难道没有比较容易的分手
至少让你微笑过
这是最后的请求
最后一次(最后一次)拥抱着我

Love is just so complicated isn’t it?
The person who loves me yet i love her not.
The person whom i love yet loves me not.
Am i doing the right thing?
Is pain inevitable?
Is pain the price one has to pay to fall in love?
Somehow i start to feel that she finds me rather bothersome.
Nevermind.
I need some room for myself to think.

爱情里最伤人的是理智.

傻蛋你在那里？
伤心的 Andre
15 x 彩虹 (Completed)

Missing you~

Andre — Wed, 09 Jan 2008 15:47:28 +0000

Woke up around 1330 today, think i slept like 11hours? xD I should have woke up when my alarm rang at 11am. Could have pratice 彩虹 a few more times. Went to Bugis to meet up with Sam today. Thought she’ll be back there after training but she wasn’t. Kinda disappointed. Had a new idea on what to give her as a present on Valentine’s Day. Thanks to Sam’s gift! Haha. Seriously i NEED A JOB RIGHT NOW!! I can only work for 1 month, till 10th Feb. Someone give me a job please!

Missing you
Energy

我离开机场钻入隧道中
挡风玻璃上的雨像一个梦
我爱上了一个人可是没有用
这无人的夜晚有个孤单的英雄

这寂寞广场我一个人演出
我用最后这一幕说我爱你
这些回忆是我的谁也不准碰
tomorrow我不管
就算我的心很痛

请给我全世界的寂寞
everyday every night i am missing you
我永远会记住
哪怕什么都没有
别忘了太平洋另一边有个我

我听这一场雨降落的速度
你的长发和温度我没忘记
这一分钟我穿过冷冰的公路
在几千公里外我的记忆在逃走

请给我全世界的寂寞
everyday every night i am missing you
我永远会记住哪怕什么都没有
别忘了太平洋另一边有个我
我的思念在大喊没有时间在刁难
我要去那一个想念你的时空

请给我全世界的寂寞
everyday ever night i am missing you
我永远会记住哪怕什么都没有
别忘了太平洋另一边有个我

别忘了太平洋另一边有个我

Might be meeting her up tomorrow after her work. Hope to see her. Missing her loads. Her smile just brighten me up. Let time prove my sincerity.

好想念傻蛋
Andre
10 x 彩虹